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There I was, walking into my place of work one morning. Then I met a supervising attorney that I had worked with (and against) on several cases that our offices handled. We always had a cordial relationship, visiting each other in our respective offices to hammer out resolution to cases or to quell disagreements between attorneys and staff that worked for either of our departments. But this morning was universally different.

The typical smile and greeting were not returned. Instead, an icy glare was served up. I chalked it up to a “bad-morningism,” and continued on to my office and engaged in my work. What I discovered later shocked me and impacted me emotionally for months. 

This supervisor had recovered a notebook from a new attorney who had been in one of my prior training sessions. During that training, free discussion occurred. One of the attorneys engaging in free discussion said something disparaging about an attorney who worked for this supervisor. The comment was written down in the training notes by the new attorney, and the notes were found by opposing counsel. The implication was that I had endorsed the stray comment --  which I had not. Anyone who knew me would know that is not the case at all!

What I had discovered was that while I slept and went about by business, attorneys under this other supervisor’s aegis were skewering my character and reputation, based on a comment that I never made. The case against me fomented behind my back, and worked its way to high levels in the profession. When I finally discovered what the hubbub was all about, the damage to my reputation had solidified, taken shape, and was walking around like a mindless golem. 

As I reflect back on how a perceived offense turned bitter in the matter of hours, fracturing friendships and relationships that had forged over time, I hear the words of Jesus to his disciples in Mark 10:43 

“But it shall not be so among you.”

The world gives and takes offenses at will, unaware of how true love can forge a better way. That way looks a lot like: patience, prayer, submission of our hearts to God, kindness, confrontation, understanding, and resolution. In the house of God, we should love each other so completely that we are not easily offended. In fact, it should be really hard to offend!

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-5a

Daniel Miller, in his article (access it by clicking --> here <--) sets out some practical guidelines on how to employ this gift of love in the church. Read the article to dive deeper on these five steps:

First, learn to delay judgment.
Second, consciously entrust yourself to God in prayer.
Third, thoughtfully assess the desires of your heart.
Fourth, pursue reconciliation with your offender.
Fifth, pursue forgiveness.

Be slow to anger, and rich in mercy. Let that mark the testimony of the body of Christ!

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:34-35