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And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28 ESV)

I feel like the Christian counseling community has bludgeoned those who read and study their work with one principle: Don’t quote this verse to those who are grieving at the point of their most intense grief. Kenneth Berding (Ph.D., Westminster), writing  for Crossway, makes this case clear in this article that you can read by clicking --> here <--. He is only one voice among many who guide us in helping brothers and sisters who are suffering because of a personal loss.

Never forget, however, that God’s Word is always active and effective. The reader has to be cautious about throwing out the baby with the bathwater! To tell a believing Christian to avoid the Word of God is something that should be said with more caution than I have seen recently.

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work. (2 Timothy 3:16-17 ESV)

God’s Word is never the wrong answer. The Christian who wants to benefit their suffering brother or sister must, however, apply the Word at the right time. Two things are true: (1) wisdom is involved in timing at the same time as (2) the entire Word of God is powerful and effective. (Isaiah 40:6-8)

Knowing that all things work together for those who are called by God is a comfort to the one who is comforting the forlorn. It strengthens us in knowing that there is a grand design within which the grief of a friend fits. God is in control and he knows his own heart and design much better than we do.

Certainly, quoting that verse to one suffering may be received as the counsel of Job’s friends. In other words (as the implication would go), if there is a purpose for suffering, the sufferer needs to discover and repent of the thing that he/she did wrong which provoked the suffering.

That is why context is key when quoting passages like this. The preceding text (Romans 8:26-27) tells us that there are purposes to God’s plan that we will not know on this side of heaven – therefore we have to trust in God! We are not meant to live our lives looking for the reason for our loss so that we can wrap our understanding around it. We cannot wrap our understanding completely around God – he is way too big and magnificent for that (even though we are continually tempted to do so).

We must take God at his Word through faith.

Our own understanding - that there is a divine reason for tragedy - steadies our own approach to the sufferer. From that firm foundation, we listen, we walk with them as God allows, and we point them to joy, hope, peace, love, faithfulness, and endurance. We are the friend and family that they need.

We are fulfilling our mission of discipleship with the wisdom of applying God’s Word at the right time, and the parallel conviction that God’s Word is always effective and good.